The fifties

The fifties are a strange time in life. When you think you're all settled, the kids are through school, and in many cases,through college as well,  starting out their adult lives in their chosen fields ... time to take a breather and sit back for a while, you think.

Not quite. For the fifties are when the losses start hitting ... losses of childhood figures, who till now, formed an umbrella figure over one's heads, who gave us the illusion of a long life ahead, of youth still lasting ... Till we hit our fifties - if we are lucky - we still have the older generation covering us, forming a protective layer between ourselves and the consciousness of our mortality. And our children reinforce that feeling, because they are settled, yet not fully ... dependent but independent living ... they consult us briefly, especially when troubled, then dive back into the turbulent waters of their young lives.

And we sit back and feel ... this is a good place to be in. We look towards each other again as a couple, empty nesters, most of us ... we go back to the early days of married life, when we were just two ... now we're two again, but older (definitely), wiser (hopefully!) and more comfortable in our own skins and with each other. We've lived together for the better part of three decades, we no longer have anything to prove or to hide ... the hot young love has evolved into a warm, comfortable companionship and life is good.

And then the losses start hitting. The umbrella develops holes. Older siblings of parents, favorite uncles and aunts, a great aunt or two ... as most in our grandparents generation have proved the adage that the women outlast the men. We pause, we mourn ... and we go on with our lives ... the umbrella has a few small holes, but the most important cover, our own parents ... are still there. And while they are there, we are safe.
Safe from what, we don't really think much about. Safe because there is still a 'go to' person? Someone who knows more than us, who is wiser, more experienced ... someone older ... Or safe from thoughts of our own mortality ... the knowledge that there is still someone ahead of us. An umbrella ...a cover ... a shield. Parents have always shielded their children from all troubles and sorrows ... and they continue to do so till Nature takes over. And then we step into the role of the oldest generation living. Which is scary. Suddenly there is no one to ask, to go to ... suddenly we are the ones who are supposed to know everything, to have all the answers.

That's probably why, when one parent is gone, we cling to the one left. We still need that cover, that reassurance ... that there is someone who will protect us, love us, care about us, no matter what. Someone who will answer all our questions, or guide us to find our own answers. And the realisation hits with heartbreaking force, that parents are really the only ones who do that. Who love unconditionally. 

Leadership Quotes

From https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/38-most-inspiring-leadership-quotes-i-know-dr-travis-bradberry

1. "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the water to create many ripples." -Mother Teresa

2. "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Maya Angelou

3. "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're right." -Henry Ford

4. "Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence." -Vince Lombardi

5. "Life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent of how I react to it." -Charles Swindoll

6. "If you look at what you have in life, you'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have in life, you'll never have enough." -Oprah Winfrey

7. "Remember no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

8. "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination." -Jimmy Dean

9. "Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" -Audrey Hepburn

10. "To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart." -Eleanor Roosevelt

11. "Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears." -Les Brown

12. "Do or do not. There is no try." -Yoda

13. "Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve." -Napoleon Hill

14. "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain

15. "I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." -Michael Jordan

16. "Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value." -Albert Einstein

17. "I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions." -Stephen Covey

18. "When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it." -Henry Ford

19. "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker

20. "The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity." -Amelia Earhart

21. "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." -Aristotle Onassis

22. "Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant." -Robert Louis Stevenson

23. "The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

24. "If you hear a voice within you say, 'You cannot paint,' then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced. -Vincent Van Gogh

25. "Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs." -Farrah Gray

26. "Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -Dalai Lama

27. "A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new." -Albert Einstein

28. "What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do." -Bob Dylan

29. "I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do." -Leonardo da Vinci

30. "When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us." -Helen Keller

31. "When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life." -John Lennon

32. "The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

33. "Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear." -George Addair

34. "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." -Plato

35. "Nothing will work unless you do." -Maya Angelou

36. "Believe you can and you're halfway there." -Theodore Roosevelt

37. "What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality." -Plutarch

38. "Control your own destiny or someone else will." - Jack Welch

Bainganwadi

Florid rickets ... a widow with four children living on the largesse of her brothers ...

A woman pregnant with her eighth child.

A stick thin woman, patient of TB, on medication ... should she breastfeed or not?

A woman breastfeeding two children simultaneously, one six months old, the other two years old.

Rickets is rampant in this community ... poverty, poor milk intake, lack of sunlight in the streets of the crowded slums, no playing space except among the mounds of rubbish in the garbage dump, and the black clothes worn by the girls from as early as age five.

Scotland trip

Started with the train journey from London to Edinburgh.
Note - remember to book first class on the train next time.

Edinburgh - stayed at the Holiday Inn Express next to the Ocean Terminal. Nice place, but a bit far from the main city. Well connected by bus, so that was not a problem. Ocean Terminal has a nice mall, and the Britannica is anchored in the harbour, so easy to do the yacht tour ... which we didn't do! Beautiful sunset over the water. A friendly attendant in one of the stores gave us the names of Mallaig and Glenfinnan to visit from Fort William, for the Harry Potter connection ... noted and filed away carefully.

From Edinburgh drove to Stonehaven, stopping at St. Andrews on the way to check out the university and the ruins of the castle. The university is well known in the UK, and many famous alumni, including members of the royal family, graduated from here. Claim to fame of a small coffee shop on the main road - Kate Middleton and Prince William met here.
Reached Stonehaven by late evening.

Stonehaven - stayed at Highland Hotel in the centre of the square, very convenient. Stonehaven is a tiny place, so staying in the centre of town was very convenient. Had dinner at an adjacent Indian restaurant run by Bangladeshis.
Visited Dunottar castle the next day, well worth a visit. The ruins of a castle perched high on a cliff, on a small peninsula which juts out from the mainland, and is completely cut off during high tide. Made an excellent strategic location during conflict times.

Stonehaven to Inverness, a comfortable 2-3 hour drive. Stayed at the Royal Highland Hotel in the centre of town, again a very comfortable and convenient place to stay, right next to Eastgate Mall. The main staircase of the hotel apparently inspired the design for the grand staircase in the Titanic.

From Inverness drove down to Clandon Harbour to do the Loch Ness cruise. Loch Ness is a long narrow lake, and on the bright sunny day we were fortunate to get for our tour, it seemed very unlikely as the haunt of any monster, friendly or otherwise. Saw the remains of another ruined castle, Uruquart, from the boat ... decided not to get off for the tour, as it seemed even more ruined than Dunnottar.

Then on to Fort William.

Fort William - stayed at Best Western on Loch Linne. Very convenient location, right next to town Center and some good eating places. The small cobbled main street is a short walk away from the hotel, and is filled with eating places, tourist shops and stores selling the famous Scottish woollens, including cashmere. Dinner at a small tavern in the town, good food, and a very friendly waitress.

From Fort William, drove to Mallaig vis the Glenfinnan Viaduct, where the Hogwarts Express was
filmed and got a good view of the 27 arches of the viaduct, from the Visitor Center.
Drove to Mallaig, a small village on the coast, a beautiful drive through the Scottish highlands and then along the coast. Drove back to Fort William, stopping again on the way at the Glenfinnan viaduct, and we found, by a stroke of great good luck, that we were just in time to get some shots of the Hogwarts Express on its return journey. Took pictures from a vantage point up on a small hill at the Visitor Center - along with a couple of busloads of Chinese tourists, who had timed their visit to watch the steaming Hogwarts Express chugging merrily through the hills where it was originally filmed.  I think the Center was opened there just for the purpose of catering to tourists like us!

Back on the road, drove back to Fort William, where we found we'd missed the distillery tour by a few minutes. Started the drive to Glasgow. Started the drive late, so didn't have time to stop on the way at Loch Lomond - that was a mistake. Next time, need to make sure have enough time for a leisurely drive through some beautiful scenery and an awesome drive along the lake.

Reached Glasgow by late evening, stayed at Jury's Inn. Big hotel in the Center of town again, convenient for shopping and for the hop on hop off bus, which we took the next day.

Glasgow to Windermere- started the drive late, reached Windermere early evening. Hotel is beautiful Laura Ashley hotels - the Belsfield. Right on the lake, love property, beautiful gracious old manor hotel. Well worth a second visit. It was rainy and cold, the first day we experienced bad weather ... we had been incredibly lucky throughout the holiday with glorious sunshine. Walked down to the lake shore and around the small shops and cafes alongside. Dinner at the gracious dining room of the hotel, served by a very friendly waiter who had spent time in Japan, and was happy to show off his limited Hindi (namaste), Chinese and Indonesian.

The next day, after a hefty breakfast, took lake tours of Lake Windermere. Again rainy and cold in the morning, but it opened up by afternoon into glorious sunshine again, in time for the longest cruise which took us up and down the lake from the northern end to the southern. Got back in time for an early dinner in a small restaurant in the market place, which served amazing tapas. We hadn't explored the neighbouring area the previous evening, the streets were lined with small curiosity shops jostling for space alongside the usual butchers, bakers and household goods stores, the ubiquitous Scottish Woollen Mills outlets, and small restaurants serving all types and varieties of cuisine, including Chinese, and of course, Indian ... I don't remember a single town in our travels, where we did NOT find an Indian restaurant.

The next morning, we checked out reluctantly ... this last leg had been beautiful ... and drove back to Edinburgh, just in time to catch the train back to London. Picked up the luggage from our friends' house, where we had left it, and after a delicious home cooked meal with them, we left for the conference hotel.

Another loss

Another loss ... Anil mama passed away in end August, just a few days before the 80th birthday of Arun mama. The last few years have brought so many losses, mummy in 2011, Papa in 2012, Anni Chachi in 2013 and now Anil mama in 2014. The shelter of the older generation is slowly being stripped away, it feels scary and sad at the same time. This is the way of life, the law of nature, yet one is never really prepared for the losses when they happen. I guess we should count ourselves lucky and be grateful that we had the blessing of our parents' presence for as long as we did. And we need to treasure the ones left behind, for us it's Ammi now. 

Prayers

Prayers for the missing Malaysian Airlines plane flying from KL to Beijing ... prayers for the safety and well being of all the passengers and crew on board the flight. 

Reflections on 2013

A good year, a bad year.

Good year ... a lovely family get together in Delhi in March, Neha got married, A and D flew down for the wedding.
Mixed emotions ... we had Papa's barsi just before the wedding celebrations started. Had it really been a year already?

Bad year ... another loss, Anni chachi, in a most unexpected way, a brain haemorrhage. The last three years have taken their toll.

A didn't come back for summer. Moved to Mumbai in August, stayed there barely a day and flew with D to NY.
Attended the family memorial service in Houston. I think Anni chachi would have been happy to see the family together. A good way to remember her.

Stayed with A in her tiny NY apartment, saw the way both kids are working hard ... God bless them.

Flew back to Mumbai, and started the painful settling in process all over again ... easier this time because it is a familiar country, a familiar language ... India is home after all. But twenty years have brought so many changes.
And we start again ... life comes almost full circle. We moved to Mumbai as newly weds with no kids ... twenty years later we return as a much married couple with both kids having flown the nest. And we find a place to live barely two kilometers from our first home. Full circle indeed.